DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student, and I have moved several hours away from home to attend my dream school in New York City.
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I feel guilty for moving away from my family, especially since for the majority of my life, it’s just been me, my mom and my little sister. My 10-year-old sister keeps reminding me how much she misses me, and she tells me she can’t wait for me to come home.
Sadly, I may not be able to return home at the holidays or over the summer, depending on my work and internship schedules.
How do you think I should navigate this and explain to my little sister why I may not be able to come home, especially when I keep hearing stories from my mom and grandma about how much she cries over me?
— Guilty in NYC
DEAR GUILTY IN NYC: It was your mother’s job to prepare your sister for your eventual departure. I’m sorry she did not do that.
Part of having children and getting them to maturity is making sure they will be OK on their own and that anyone still in the home will be fine when they leave. Clearly, that didn’t happen.
What you can do now is stay in contact with your sister on a regular basis. Let her know that you love her and will always be there for her — but from a distance.
Encourage her to continue with her life. Remind her to keep up with her extracurricular activities and explore anything else that may interest her. Encourage her to sign up for social engagements so that she fills her time with other activities.
For your part, reassure her of how much you love her and that love exists even when you are not in the same place. Set up a regular video call, and keep her updated on your life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends recently lost her father unexpectedly; she is going through it mentally.
I have never lost someone before, and I want to be there for her during this rough time, but I don’t want to do or say anything insensitive since I have never been in her position.
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I was out of town for her father’s service and was unable to be there for her then. I have purchased a card and flowers that I intend to give her, but what else can I do to be there and support her as a friend? Is there anything I should avoid doing or saying?
— Helping Friend
DEAR HELPING FRIEND: The best thing you can do is listen. When you bring her the card and flowers, tell her how sorry you are for her loss. Ask her how she is doing — and listen to her answer.
You can ask her about her father’s service and give her space to relive it by giving you a blow-by-blow of everything that happened. Say little as she goes through her memories. Be actively present by hearing all that she has to share with you, responding so she knows you are listening and just being there.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.