DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was leaving an underground transit station and making my way to the escalator to go up to the street when I noticed a tall young man gaining rapidly on me from behind.
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We have an unwritten rule that you stand on the right side of the escalator if you just want to ride, and move to the left if you want to walk up the moving stairs. I began to drift rightward, but he came galumphing up on the right side of me. I stretched out my right hand to take the handrail, saying to him, “May I please get on the escalator?”
With great annoyance, he stepped around to my left side and passed me, sternly proclaiming over his shoulder, “Move out of the way for people walking faster than you!”
I could only muster the feeble and not-quite-sensical response, “Not if you pass on the right! This is America!”
I am a reasonably fit and active woman who will turn 50 this fall. The young gentleman looked to be in his 20s and was wearing business attire.
What is the etiquette for “faster walkers”?
GENTLE READER: Although your question pertains to walking, every type of vehicle has its own etiquette for passing, and examining the common features among the different systems is instructive.
You remembered two of the rules: 1. that the overtaker — who has the better view — has the primary responsibility to avoid colliding with the overtaken; and 2. that there is a correct side for passing someone.
Unfortunately, you forgot the equally, if not more, important shared duty to avoid a collision. The rules of sailing express this gracefully by requiring the overtaken to hold their course — in other words, not to do something surprising that makes it harder for the overtaker to prevent a collision.
Grabbing the handrail only to prevent the 20-something from passing on the wrong side made a collision more likely, and was therefore the worse infraction.
He, of course, should have passed on the correct side, and also slowed down.
And while Miss Manners realizes that no one ended up on the ground, she does not believe that two strangers yelling at one another satisfies the goal of avoiding a collision.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work as a volunteer at a military base overseas. My problem is with a co-worker who will not communicate with me except via email. Usually the content of the communications is of a negative nature.
I am of the sort who prefers working out differences using speech and not the written word, especially when the two individuals live in close proximity.
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This person is in a position of authority. I have repeatedly requested — to no avail — that we either talk in person or over the phone when she has gripes.
Are there any etiquette rules regarding email and business communications?
GENTLE READER: There are, but you are not going to like the most important one: The boss gets to set the rules.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.