DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate my new manager. She’s new to the team, and it is clear to everyone that her priority is asserting dominance and making sure her voice is heard and her name is known.
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Plot twist: She’s my cousin!
When my cousin asked me to introduce her to the higher-ups at my job for a referral, I was elated. She has a stellar résumé, and for some reason I thought that meant she had great rapport in the workplace. I was wrong. She surprised me in so many ways.
The catch is, no one at work knows that we are family, just that I suggested her as a top candidate, so now other team members complain to me about her misplaced intentions. I feel awkward being in the middle, but I know they’re not wrong. She’s really not a team player and doesn’t hide that she likes to climb the corporate ladder.
Is it my place to try to reason with her, or should I let her arrogance teach her a lesson the hard way?
— Family at Work
DEAR FAMILY AT WORK: Companies frown upon employees recommending family or even close friends for work opportunities, because it creates a conflict of interest. That’s what you are experiencing right now. You must take careful steps, as she is your manager as well.
You may want to pull her aside and ask her how things are going. Find out what her thoughts are. Then recommend that she step back and notice the culture at your office and how people interact.
Tell her you have noticed that some things she does rub people the wrong way. Tell her what you know about how the team functions optimally, and then let it go.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently took a long international flight and had an uncomfortable experience with the person sitting next to me.
He kept spreading his legs into my space and hogging the shared armrest with no regard for how cramped I was getting.
I tried to be polite, but after a couple of hours of quietly shifting around and hoping he’d get the hint, I finally asked him if he could please move his leg because it was clearly crossing into my seat area.
Instead of apologizing or adjusting, he looked at me and said, “Well, I’m tall and you’re short, so I should be allowed to take a little more space.”
I was stunned. I didn’t want to escalate things mid-flight, so I stayed quiet, but I spent the next several hours feeling tense and frustrated in my already-tight seat.
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Looking back, I wish I had handled it differently, but I also didn’t want to be labeled as “difficult.”
Should I have pushed back more or called a flight attendant over to help? What’s the best way to stand up for yourself in these awkward, confined spaces without creating a scene or putting yourself at risk?
— Boundaries
DEAR BOUNDARIES: You should have spoken privately to the flight attendant, first asking if you could be moved to another seat, given this passenger’s behavior. If not, the attendant would then speak to the passenger and ask him to be more respectful of your space.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.