DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s this guy I’ve been seeing, and now that we’re official, I’ve been spending a lot more time at his house. I recently learned about a strange habit of his that I don’t appreciate.
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He works in sanitation and often has early morning shifts. When he leaves for work, he walks outside shirtless.
The first time this happened, I was shocked. I asked him where he was going without his clothing, and he said his shirt was in the car. He was parked right in front of his house, but I found it inappropriate.
I’ve seen him do this multiple times. He claims he doesn’t like to bring his uniform into the house and would rather just put it on when he’s on his way to work.
I just don’t understand why he feels the need to walk outside with only half his clothing on. It’s a turnoff for me, quite frankly. I think an undershirt could be the simple answer to this problem.
Am I blowing this out of proportion?
— Half-Naked
DEAR HALF-NAKED: Your boyfriend is being practical. Working in sanitation means that his uniform is likely not fresh — even if he launders it regularly. Not bringing that into the house probably seems hygienic to him.
You are facing an etiquette dilemma: You grew up believing people should not go outside undressed. How do you address this? Directly. Tell your boyfriend that it makes you uncomfortable that he leaves the house half-naked. Explain that it bothers you because your value system says that’s inappropriate. Ask him if he would consider wearing an undershirt.
If he says no, you will have to decide what you can live with. People have all kinds of quirks. Is going to his car shirtless a dealbreaker for you?
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend invited me to a party over the weekend. It’s been a while since I’ve been social, so I wanted to get back out there. I offered to pick her and a few other friends up.
At some point, my friend was encouraging me to take shots of liquor, and in hopes of loosening up, I did. By the end of the night, I was in no condition to drive.
I asked my friend to walk around a bit with me, but she complained about the heat and encouraged me to drink water instead. She wanted to head to another bar, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to join. She called a cab for herself and the other friends and told me to go make up my mind in my car.
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I don’t get why my friend abandoned me while I wasn’t sober. I ended up waiting in my car for about two hours until I felt better. She didn’t even text to ask if I was OK. I don’t know what conversation to have with her.
— Under the Influence
DEAR UNDER THE INFLUENCE: She is not your friend. Anyone who would abandon you in that way should be ashamed. Whenever, if ever, you decide to speak to her again, tell her that her behavior was inexcusable, selfish and dangerous — the opposite of anything resembling friendship.
I would also like to commend you for taking the time to get sober before getting behind the wheel. Another solution would have been to call a cab or rideshare.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.