DEAR HARRIETTE: I have some friends who recently celebrated a big anniversary. They went all out for each other, hosting a renewal of vows and everything, but just for the two of them. I thought this was so sweet.
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Meanwhile, my spouse and I barely said happy anniversary to each other this year. It was also a milestone for us, but these days, it feels more like drudgery.
I don’t know what to do to rekindle any kind of romance between us, but watching what our friends did gave me a flicker of hope.
How can I get my husband to consider mixing things up a bit and trying to enjoy each other’s company again?
We argue more than anything or just stay in our respective parts of the house barely talking. The one time that we seem to get a bit animated is when we are with other people.
— In a Rut
DEAR IN A RUT: Perhaps you can do something different from your friends. Since social interaction enlivens the two of you, start planning double dates with other couples and friends.
Invite people over for dinner. Plan an outing to a local attraction where you can walk around and talk. Suggest dinner and a movie to friends who enjoy that type of thing.
See if you, your spouse and your friends enjoy these types of activities. If so, keep it going. Schedule something at least once a month.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close friend who just told me he has been suicidal — he was about to take his life recently.
I was so shocked. He and I are close. I knew he was sad about a recent breakup, but I had no idea that his state of mind had gotten so bad.
Now that I do know, I have asked him to stay in closer contact. If he ever needs support, I gave him permission to reach out to me at any time.
What else can I do to be a friend to him?
— Vulnerable Friend
DEAR VULNERABLE FRIEND: Do you know anyone else in his friend group or close family? If there is an established small group of people who are close to him, you can suggest that, with his blessing, you can agree to look out for him in a more systematic way.
For example, ask him to check in with one of you if ever he is feeling down. Create a group chat where you all check in with one another and agree to be responsive within 24 hours just so you know all is well.
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Stay in close communication with your friend without being smothering. Don’t ask too many questions, but make sure he knows you have his back.
Strongly suggest that he find a mental health professional to support him during this time. Do not agree to take on the role of therapist in any way. Encourage him to get someone who is qualified to help him. He may want to read “Hack Your Pain Now” by Sekou Writes.
If you or someone you know is struggling with feelings of depression or suicidal thoughts, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline offers free, round-the-clock support, information and resources for help. Call or text the lifeline at 988, or see the 988lifeline.org website, where chat is available.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.