DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m going through a bit of a rough patch in my career. I’m still searching for what’s next, but it feels like everyone around me keeps receiving new opportunities.
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The other day I worked alongside one of my friends, and she shared with me that she had gotten a new job with an amazing brand that we both know and love. I was so happy for her. We had both lost our jobs at a similar time, so this is a long-awaited victory.
While we worked together, she had a client meeting, and I got to see her in action. It was amazing, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit of sadness come over me.
It didn’t feel as intense or angry as envy, but I realized that I was jealous, and that had me feeling down on myself. I went home feeling bad about my career and feeling guilty for being jealous of my friend.
I know comparison is a slippery slope, so how can I avoid it?
— Career Troubles
DEAR CAREER TROUBLES: It is natural for you to feel a bit deflated when you see someone excel when you are feeling vulnerable. I find meditation to be helpful to reset your frame of mind.
Instead of allowing yourself to fall into a pity pit, sit quietly and settle yourself. Take three deep, cleansing breaths, and invite your being to be refueled with confidence and light. Invite wisdom to fill you and help guide you to what’s next.
Afterward, look again for potential next steps. Let patience be your friend, and do your best to extract the good from every experience, including that of friends who are excelling. Notice what they are doing right, and do your best to emulate that.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I made the mistake of lending a friend money.
This is someone I’ve been close with for over 20 years. His latest business endeavor is opening a bar.
When we worked together in finance, he had an interest in hospitality, so I was happy to hear that he was finally bringing that to life.
Along the way, he spoke to me about a small loan of several thousand dollars. While I couldn’t give him all that he asked for, I trusted him enough to lend him a few thousand. He assured me that in six months, he’d pay me back in full.
Seven months later, I reached out to him asking about progress on the bar and an update on his repayment, and he asked if he could pay me back over the next 18 months.
I reminded him of our agreement and told him that’s an unreasonable repayment plan for a lump sum of money he got all at once.
Is there a way to accommodate my friend without completely tanking our relationship?
— Payment Plan
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DEAR PAYMENT PLAN: Whether or not you put your foot down, it is unlikely that your friend will come up with the money you loaned him any sooner.
He miscalculated how quickly he would recover the debt. This is the risk that comes with lending money. Your friendship doesn’t have to end, though you may not want to lend him money again.
Unless you can afford to lose it, lending money to loved ones is dangerous. It’s better to make a gift of what you can afford, thereby avoiding the risk of disappointment and financial insecurity.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.