DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in a quandary.
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Our 12-year-old granddaughter had a big celebration for her birthday. Her other grandparents gave her a choice of $100 or an overnight stay at a hotel with a pool. She chose the overnight.
It has been several months now, with no hotel stay scheduled. Her other grands live full, busy and chaotic lives. Our granddaughter told me she feels hurt, disappointed and a bit angry. We had a good talk, and I feel she now better understands how adults sometimes forget how quickly time passes.
In the meantime, my husband and I would like to slip a $100 bill under her pillow and maybe assuage her feelings toward her other grandparents. We need to know if that would be a wise thing to do or if we should let it be.
We understand it isn’t our problem, but it hurts our hearts to see her let down after patiently waiting for her birthday present. What do you suggest?
— GRANDMA KNOWS BEST
DEAR GRANDMA: You are lovely people, and I understand your impulse to cover for the other grandparents. That said, I do not think you should do it.
Your granddaughter is rightfully disappointed, but she needs to learn that sometimes folks don’t follow through on their promises. If she does, it may come as less of a jolt when she’s a little older.
DEAR ABBY: I’m having a problem with my sister, who visits me on the average of once a month.
She lives four hours away. Her friend and her husband accompany her. They are my only company. I used to enjoy them but no longer.
After their visits, stuff is always missing from my house — a hairbrush, my dog’s electric nail file, random dishes and plates, rat traps, laundry detergent packets, dollar store craft items, etc.
Abby, I hid the detergent packets, but she found them, and I knew she took them. When I confronted her, she angrily denied it and insisted I was accusing her of things she never did and would never do. When I told her about the beads, she said she never saw them and didn’t know what I was talking about.
After that, I didn’t see her for about three months. We made up, and she did it again!
Her husband knows. I set a trap for her friend previously, and she didn’t steal anything.
My sister was bringing her dirty laundry with her to wash at my house in order to save on her water and electric bill. I put a stop to that.
What can I do about her?
— DISAPPEARING ACT IN NEW MEXICO
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DEAR DISAPPEARING ACT: Assuming that the friend is in the clear, that leaves only your sister. Has she always been light-fingered, or is her pilfering something recent? If it is recent, talk with her husband and tell him you are worried about her.
Suggest she be neurologically examined by her doctor for signs of dementia or some other brain-related illness. If she checks out, there is another condition called kleptomania, in which sufferers cannot resist the urge to steal. It is fixable only if they are willing to admit there is a problem and decide to do something about it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.