DEAR MISS MANNERS: After commuting to the same job for 15 years, 15 minutes from my home, last winter I took a better job an hour away. My body refuses to adjust to this new reality.
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Even though I have virtually stopped drinking water or coffee in the afternoons, and even though I visit the ladies’ room last thing before leaving the office, I always arrive home urgently needing to go to the bathroom. It’s been 10 months now, and it’s not getting any better.
The problem is that I live in a 200-unit apartment building full of sociable folks, many of whom are senior citizens who sit in the lobby, through which I must pass to get to my apartment.
In the past, I would stop, say hello and briefly catch up on my way into the building, which I enjoyed and I hope my neighbors did, too.
Now I’m just zooming through, sometimes cutting off people’s greetings a bit curtly. I feel rude, but the alternative (an accident in the lobby) seems worse.
Is there a polite way to say, “Can’t talk now! Gotta go to the bathroom! Please don’t be offended” without coming right out and saying that? Or is total honesty the best policy?
GENTLE READER: Is now a good time to talk? Miss Manners only asks because … you know.
No, honesty is not the best policy here. Better to look concerned and antsy, excuse yourself, and dash.
Telling the whole story is unnecessary. If your neighbors thought you were making up an excuse to get away from them, they will still think so after you give your explanation.
And the full story would invite discussions you do not want to have, especially at that time. Every senior citizen in the building — no, make that every resident over the age of 30 — is going to tell you about the doctor, prescription or home remedy that solved a similar problem.
Also, telling the whole story is undignified.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live near a university campus with walking trails — some paved, some heavily wooded. Many locals and students take advantage of them daily.
Between my energetic dog and my fast pace, we often catch up to other walkers from behind. I hate to startle them by suddenly appearing next to them, but this situation happens frequently.
I intentionally make some noise as I approach to give them a heads-up, but they don’t always hear me. And if they do, even that noise startles them.
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What should someone do in this situation? It’s made more challenging by the high number of people using earbuds, who are completely surprised. I do wish people were more aware, especially in the secluded areas.
GENTLE READER: You are doing what needs to be done.
Miss Manners is happy to remind people that they should pay more attention to their surroundings, but failure to do so does not empower the mannerly to run them down. Good manners involves consideration for others, which sometimes means not spending too much time thinking about their behavior.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.