DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a meal at a restaurant, my mother is in the habit of vigorously rubbing both of her hands with one or two lemon slices, squeezing the juice into her palms, pouring water onto a napkin, then wiping her hands.
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She will even go so far as to shake excess water from her hands onto her plate.
Mother thinks this is perfectly acceptable dining etiquette, especially since a finger bowl is usually not provided.
Even if a finger bowl were available, I understand that one’s use of it would be discreet; one wouldn’t scrub one’s hands and shake them about.
I have asked Mother repeatedly to stop her handwashing at the table. She makes a great show of this, and I find it embarrassing.
Naturally, Mother won’t take a daughter’s advice.
GENTLE READER: This must be quite a show.
Incidentally, you are correct about this not being the way finger bowls are properly used. They are intended for a quick dip of the fingertips, if necessary, not a bath.
Miss Manners would recommend, in descending order of difficulty: 1. telling your mother that you are happy to accompany her to the washroom, as you thank the waiter and countermand your mother’s request for lemons; 2. stop going to restaurants with your mother; 3. stop going to events at restaurants with anyone other than close family members; and 4. stop sitting next to your mother at restaurants.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear sister who is 50. She is a busy professional and homemaker. I am her 65-year-old brother, living about four hours away, also well-educated.
We have a very good relationship and see each other a few times a year, and we also keep in touch by frequent text messages.
My sister apparently doesn’t read and edit her texts prior to sending them. She likely uses a dictation system included in her phone that is prone to errors. Frequently, her messages have an incorrect word or two, and they are often very confusing — lacking context or just incomprehensible.
What is a gentle way of telling her that she needs to read and edit her messages because they don’t make sense? She suggested I was being curt, dismissive and impatient in my return messages, but I did not suggest that her rushed, messed-up communications were part of the reason.
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GENTLE READER: Texts are not letters — they are not even emails — so while Miss Manners has not seen what your sister is sending, she would guess that any lack of context, grammar, spelling, vowels, punctuation or readability puts her in the majority of those using the form.
Whether you can get her to change her behavior will depend on your relationship and her willingness to accommodate a big brother.
But a more immediate fix would be to respond to unclear texts individually — and temperately: “Sorry: don’t understand.” Once you get comfortable with this unruly medium, you may graduate to: “?”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.