DEAR ABBY: This letter is embarrassing to write. When calling in a fast-food order, my husband wants me to ask the price of each item and becomes upset if it varies from the online menu price.
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I understand that in this economy, there are bound to be increases. One day, the difference was about $5. Because I didn’t question it, a heated argument ensued. He said, “Just forget it!” (I called back and said my husband no longer wanted it.)
These fast-food places are busy and short-staffed. I don’t think it is right to bug them further.
Also, I had a stroke and can’t do fast math in my head. We have the money, or I wouldn’t place the order.
I tried discussing the disagreement; he said I just want to be right.
This has been a long 40-plus years that I’ve had with him. He was poor when he was growing up, but we are no longer poor by any means. It’s his controlling behavior that I hate. His reaction is always the same: “Why don’t you walk away? Leave!”
I know he reads your column. Maybe you can help.
I know I’m tired, and I think his behavior is emotionally abusive and controlling. He’s 64 and too old to be acting like that. Unfortunately, he’s been this way his whole life. I need help.
— TAKEOUT IN OHIO
DEAR TAKEOUT: It goes without saying that from now on your husband should be the one ordering the fast food. If he needs it to be a team effort, he can dictate the numbers for you to write down and add them up himself.
I do not think his comments about your walking away and leaving him are helpful, unless he is this controlling in other aspects of your marriage.
Remind him that if the root of your disagreements is money, a divorce would be far more expensive than marriage counseling. Then ask your doctor for a referral.
DEAR ABBY: I enjoy your column and read it often. I feel compelled to comment on the letter from “Regretful in the Midwest.”
I feel you didn’t go far enough in regard to that letter, from a transgender adult’s mother whose new co-worker made fun of transgender people in front of her and, presumably, others.
Actions such as these are no longer tolerated in the workplace, and she should report it to her supervisor or human resources if there is another occurrence. (She could even do it now.) She certainly does not need to disclose her personal situation.
— KEVIN H. IN CALIFORNIA
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DEAR KEVIN: Thank you for writing. The comments I received about that letter were informative.
Many readers informed me that the term I used in reference to trans people — gender identity disorder — is outdated and no longer in use. With the American Psychiatric Association’s publication of DSM-5, the term was eliminated and replaced with “gender dysphoria,” articulating explicitly that gender nonconformity is not a “disorder.” I should have known better. Mea culpa.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.