DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our small rural community had a fire in three downtown buildings that caused the food pantry to need a new location.
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On the spur of the moment, when I was talking with the food pantry’s manager, I graciously offered him my beloved stereo receiver and CD player, along with some CDs, thinking he would use it at the food pantry. (We had been downsizing at our house, and our stereo was not being used.)
The manager was very pleased at my offer. I made it clear (my husband was witness) that if he didn’t want it later, he should get ahold of me and I would take it back.
I checked back last week and found out that he decided he didn’t want it at the pantry, so he gave it away to someone he thought would enjoy it.
I was very angry when I found out, and told him that was not the arrangement we’d made and that I wanted it back.
Was I wrong in asking for it back? Now that I have calmed down and thought about it, I don’t know what I am going to do with it if I get it back. I feel better knowing that someone can have some joy using it.
How can I save face and tell him that we will let it be, and that it doesn’t need to be returned?
GENTLE READER: That will depend on what you mean by “very angry” — and Miss Manners would leave the assessment of that to a more impartial witness than yourself.
Certainly, an apology is needed, not just an explanation. Whether that should be in person or in written form will depend on whether the manager is likely to bolt the door and reach for the fire extinguisher when he sees you coming.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I came home from work one evening and found my daughter on the phone, so I passed her a note. She immediately said, “I am on the phone, Dad.”
I was upset by this response, and asked who she was talking to — to make sure I didn’t interrupt anything important — but it happened to be her boyfriend.
Am I overreacting, or she was she wrong to say that?
GENTLE READER: Was she wrong to remind you that she was on the phone — and that your note was therefore an interruption, even if not a verbal one? Or was she wrong to tell you who was on the other end?
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No and, judging by your reaction, yes.
Miss Manners cannot answer your leading question about overreacting, as it presupposes your daughter’s guilt. But she can point out that if your daughter is old enough to have a boyfriend, it is no longer your prerogative to determine what constitutes an important call.
Assuming your note was not to tell her that the house was on fire, the polite thing for you to do would have been to hold your communications until she finished her call.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.