DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a difficult first pregnancy that took a serious toll on my physical and mental health.
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From severe morning sickness to complications that required hospitalization, the experience left me exhausted and anxious about the possibility of going through it again.
Because of this, I’ve decided that I don’t want to have another biological child. My husband, however, really wants another kid, and he keeps bringing up the idea of trying for a second.
I understand his desire to expand our family, and I love him deeply, but I can’t ignore the fear and trauma I still feel from my first pregnancy.
I’ve suggested adoption as an alternative, thinking it could be a way to grow our family without putting my health at risk, but the financial costs are astronomical and make it feel out of reach for us.
Every time we talk about it, I feel torn between protecting my own well-being and trying to make my husband happy. He’s frustrated and disappointed, and I worry that my refusal is creating distance between us.
How do we find a solution that will not cause tension in our marriage?
— No More Kids
DEAR NO MORE KIDS: It is hard to understand how frightening pregnancy can be if it hasn’t happened to you. Your husband may not fully get the magnitude of what happened to you in your first pregnancy, and he is therefore frustrated by your reluctance to do it again.
Talk to your doctor to learn about the risks before you so that you can get an objective opinion about a future pregnancy. Continue with your gut check about what you believe you can handle.
If you feel more apprehensive than ready to become pregnant again, consider other alternatives. You may want to look at alternative adoption options, like foster-to-adopt.
In the end, you and your husband need to come to a decision together. Talk it out. Stand your ground and figure out how to move forward as one.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is working with a company that makes money by signing up others to do the same thing — what my mom used to call a pyramid scheme.
It seems legitimate, but I’m not interested. I am doing my own thing, and I don’t have the interest or time to invest in somebody else’s plan.
My friend won’t take no for an answer. She keeps trying to lure me in with the promise of earning fast money.
How can I get her to know that I’m not interested without making her feel like I am rejecting her?
— Stop Asking
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DEAR STOP ASKING: Tell your friend that you are happy that she has found something that works for her and that she is earning money doing it. That is fantastic — for her.
Point out that you are doing your own thing and you need to focus on that. Ask her to stop inviting you to join her company. You do not have the bandwidth or interest to get involved in her project.
Tell her you wish her well, but implore her to stop pitching this job to you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.