DEAR MISS MANNERS: You have been influential in my decision to take up a new hobby this year: mailing handwritten letters to friends and family for a variety of occasions.
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This includes handwritten thank-you cards instead of my usual texts of gratitude upon receiving a gift when the giver is not present.
But I got myself into a funny conundrum. My aunt recently sent matching dresses to my two youngest girls — but they arrived on different days. We received the second dress (which I hadn’t known was coming) right after I mailed the thank-you card for the first.
I have a large extended family with literally dozens of aunts and uncles, and I do not have this aunt’s phone number.
I feel like my options are as follows: Send another thank-you card tomorrow for both dresses, explaining why I’d sent the first one; ask my mother to text my aunt to let her know that I did, in fact, receive both dresses; or both.
I think it makes sense to do both. What are your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: Unless the first thank-you letter ended with, “And Jane says, ‘Thanks for nothing — where’s my dress?’” it is fine — nay, charming — to send a second letter without referencing the first.
But if your mother is able to text your aunt, she has her contact information. Miss Manners is not suggesting you have to use it; she is just curious why, despite the dozens of relatives, you cannot seem to figure out how to find this aunt’s number.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a very small apartment whose contents and decor I have curated according to my specific needs and taste.
But even friends who know this about me give me gifts of coffee-table books, artwork, tableware, clothing and more, none of which I would have chosen for myself and none of which I have room for.
My gift preferences would be consumables — food, flowers, nice soaps and the like — and I do mention this when gifts are discussed.
Of course I am grateful for their kindness, and always thank them sincerely in a note, but I find myself regularly giving these presents away.
I once read that the purpose of a gift was to be received, which has alleviated some guilty feelings. So far, no one seems to have noticed that their presents are not present.
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GENTLE READER: Lucky you. But even if they are misguided, please remember that your friends’ intentions are to please you, not torture you. And what you do with the presents is up to you.
(Miss Manners is having trouble making sense of your “purpose of a gift” quote, but she is pleased that it seems to help you feel better about donating these items.)
As long as you continue to thank your friends, not berate them for their appalling lack of observation, everyone will be fine. Except perhaps the secondhand recipients of the cast-offs, who may be similarly annoyed that you do not understand their tastes.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.