DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend has coached our daughter’s soccer team for years.
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At the end of each season, he graciously hosts a much-anticipated afternoon barbecue for the girls and their parents. Awards are given, moderate amounts of beer are consumed, and a swell time is had by all.
This year, Coach received this email from one of the parents: “Although I may face some opposition, I am wondering if we could do without the adult beverages. I know, I know, but it is a party for the kids. Please don’t be upset; just a friendly suggestion.”
Coach doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to offend the author, or make her daughter feel excluded. On the other hand, it’s a party for the adults, too.
It seems wildly incorrect to accept an invitation to an event while suggesting significant alterations to it.
On the other hand, we want all the guests to feel welcomed and cared for. What do we do?
GENTLE READER: While criticizing the host’s arrangements is not generally accepted guest behavior, the topic raised, the larger circumstances and the apologetic way in which the parent raised the issue require a substantive response.
That does not necessarily mean doing what this parent has asked — contrary, apparently, to the desires of everyone else in the group — but it does mean respectfully addressing the fear that motivated the request.
The host can do this by calling the parent and assuring them that the kids will have no access to the alcohol, and that in the unlikely event a parent misbehaves, it will be dealt with immediately.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I joined a travel timeshare that we both love. The only thing we hate is how they try to upsell you.
After check-in, you are required to go to the concierge desk to get your armband or parking pass. Once there, the hard sell starts; they try to bribe, encourage or beg you to attend a sales meeting. (They call them “updates,” but it is always a sales meeting.)
Once there, the sales staff lie and manipulate the math on your fees and benefits to get you into a higher tier. Their goal is to scare you into buying more.
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How can I tell the concierge no and just get to my room? I have used “No, thank you,” but it does not stop them from pushing. They will call your room and cellphone to try again each day you are at the resort.
Reporting them to management is not an option: The salespeople are told they are doing a great job if they are trying to wear guests down to a “yes.”
GENTLE READER: Ask them if they could please only call in case of emergency. If they are unable, or unwilling, to do that, Miss Manners would tell them you are going to henceforth forward all their calls to voicemail — and then ask for a wet towel to be used in case of a fire.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.