DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is her alcoholic husband’s enabler.
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He has health conditions that make walking difficult. He falls down often and can’t make it to the bathroom. Being drunk all the time (he consumes a fifth of vodka every two days) also prevents him from getting the surgery he needs.
My SIL buys his liquor for him. She says if she doesn’t, he will drive himself, endangering others.
She has tried talking with his doctors, friends, family, priest and rehab facilities. He won’t listen to anybody’s advice. Taking care of him is wearing her down. He needs a medical facility that also treats addiction.
Desperate to help her, I took her to an Al-Anon meeting so she could get support, but she found it “boring.”
I realize this is out of my control, and I’m finding it hard to listen and sympathize when she complains. What now?
— ENABLER’S SISTER-IN-LAW
DEAR S.I.L.: Your sister-in-law definitely could use some help. While I have mentioned AA and Al-Anon often in my column, another support resource I have heard good things about is called SMART Recovery. It is a space where loved ones of those who are struggling with addiction can find understanding, support and a plan to regain control of their own lives.
She can locate a Family & Friends meeting by visiting smartrecovery.org/family. If she gives it a try, she may feel more comfortable there.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 60-year-old retired woman, happily married with a positive mindset. I am very active and stay current on world events.
I have noticed over the past few years that many of my friends only want to talk about themselves.
I was taught that a conversation should be an opportunity for both parties to engage in talking and listening, but now it seems like when we get together for a meal, they go on and on about themselves or people I don’t know. Then, at the end of the meal, they’ll finally throw in a “How are you?”
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I find this extremely rude. I should be able to get a word in edgewise during a conversation. What can I do so these long-winded friends won’t leave me frustrated?
— LISTENING PATIENTLY IN NEW YORK
DEAR LISTENING: Older people who talk only about themselves may do it because their “universe” has shrunk, and they have little else to talk about. The next time you are in this situation, really listen to what those friends are saying.
If I am right, spend less time with them and concentrate on enlarging your social circle to include folks with whom you have more in common.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.