DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in midtown Manhattan, and as you probably know, there was a mass shooting there recently. New York City is known for its chaos, but this still feels so unreal to me.
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I work in the building immediately next door to the one this gunman targeted. Luckily, I happened to leave work just early enough to avoid the awful experience that day, but for some reason, I am still rattled. I have had a really difficult time going back to my office.
I feel uneasy and paranoid, if I’m being honest. As I commute into work, my mind races with panicked thoughts. This is new to me. My train ride is usually when I read or listen to soothing music before starting my day, but now it’s a whirlwind of thoughts and worries, which makes for a bad start to my day.
Why am I feeling so panicked when this technically didn’t happen to me?
— Trauma Adjacent
DEAR TRAUMA ADJACENT: This is a tender time for people who were impacted by the horrific act of violence that killed multiple people in midtown Manhattan.
It is hard to make sense of such violence, and it’s totally understandable that you would be traumatized by it, especially given your proximity to the incident. It will take time for you to relax again. That’s OK.
For now, pay closer attention to your surroundings. Don’t sleep on public transportation. Get mental health support to help you talk through your concerns. Buddy up with co-workers as you move about your day.
For immediate support, call the Disaster Distress Helpline at 1-800-985-5990. They have trained professionals ready to support survivors of this disaster and to help you get through whatever you are experiencing. You do not have to be alone.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad is diabetic. My siblings and I all live separately, so we hadn’t realized that he was neglecting his medication. We learned of this only when my mom called us to the hospital and told us that our dad had had a stroke.
Thankfully, it was minor (so the doctors say). He regained all movement in his body after a day, but he has temporarily lost vision in his left eye.
My dad is in his 60s. To me, he is too young to be experiencing this.
He told us that he does his best to remember to take his medication, but it is not his priority. He has the option to retire, but he chooses not to. I’ve tried pleading with him the past few weeks, but he’s headstrong and doesn’t like it when we hover or send him reminders.
I understand that his work is important to him; I just wish his life was, too. How can I get through to my dad?
— Hard-Headed Dad
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DEAR HARD-HEADED DAD: Can your mom help monitor your father’s actions? As difficult as this may be, he does need to take his medication on time. Perhaps she can organize it for him and offer it to him on a schedule.
Does his insurance allow for an outside agency to come in to monitor his medicine? At least while he’s recovering from the stroke, it would be extremely helpful for him to be aided in this capacity. Check to see what his insurance will allow in terms of caregiving.
Apart from that, sit down and talk with him and your mother. Let him know how much he is loved and how important it is for him to be more vigilant about his health. Encourage him to step up for himself — and for you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.