DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past three years, my ex and I have found our way back to friendship.
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When we first broke up, we left each other alone, which was probably for the best. Lately, we check in from time to time and cheer each other on in new endeavors.
About a month ago, I found myself in a jam: My car broke down late at night, and I needed a lift. I called my ex. He did not appreciate me calling while “in need.” I found another way home.
Eventually he reached out, after weeks of us not speaking, to tell me how confused he is. Apparently, conversation is OK, but asking for favors sends a different message.
Is it possible to have a healthy friendship with this person, given our history and our current misunderstanding, or are there too many complex emotions for a simple friendship to be possible?
— It’s Complicated
DEAR IT’S COMPLICATED: Clearly, there are still some lingering feelings in the air between you two.
Even though you have moved on, the heart is a funny thing. The confusion points to the possibility that something may be stirring.
That said, when you were clearly in need, the fact that your ex left you hanging is terrible. He could have picked you up and dropped you off without opening the way for any other type of interaction. To leave you stranded seems selfish.
This suggests that he cannot handle being your friend. My advice is to back off — for now, anyway.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am heading back to college soon, and this will be my second year living off campus.
During the summer, I sublet my room and came home for a paid internship. I’ve been saving up my money so that I can be prepared once I’m back on campus and minimize my loans.
In preparation for the upcoming semester, my dad let me know how proud he was of me and my first paid internship at a major company, and he offered to help me with rent for the next few months. He made it clear that he won’t be paying in full, and I made it clear that I intend to find at least a part-time job once I get back to school.
For some reason, though, my mom seems against it. She hasn’t said so explicitly, but whenever my dad reminds her to write the check or transfer money to me, she avoids doing it in the moment and seems to conveniently “forget.”
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I really don’t like asking, but my dad says when someone offers you something, it’s important for me to show up and do my part to take it. I feel awkward asking repeatedly, and I’m not sure why my mom is making me.
— Rent Assistance
DEAR RENT ASSISTANCE: Why not talk to your mom directly? Remind her of what you are doing and of the agreement you made with your dad. Point out that you are not expecting them to fully cover your expenses, but you made your plans based on your dad’s promise, and their support is crucial to your life for these next months.
Ask her why she is reluctant to help and if there is something you can do to make her feel more comfortable.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.