DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend whose husband is going through a hard time. He has always been a curmudgeon, but it’s getting worse these days. He has some health issues that have exacerbated his negative behavior.
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I cringe sometimes when I hear him talking to his wife, but she seems to take it in stride. She told me that it is part of her marriage vows to deal with him however he is — for better or worse.
I get that, but it’s hard to see someone being abusive to his spouse. He doesn’t hit her, but he says disparaging things all the time.
Do you think that people should stay married when they are suffering emotional abuse? Should I say anything to her about this?
— Uncomfortable Observer
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE OBSERVER: You cannot live your friend’s life for her, nor can you walk in her shoes. You can be supportive by being a good listener.
If she asks your opinion about something that she has experienced, tell her the truth. Don’t sugarcoat it.
If it gets to the point where you feel uncomfortable being around the two of them, you can tell her that as well. Don’t abandon her, but limit your interaction with him.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was skinny for most of my life — uncomfortably so. Then I had my son, and I gained a lot of weight.
It has been more than 20 years, and I have yet to get back to a slim size. To be honest, I am overweight.
I feel like I hated how I looked when I was younger because I was too small, and now I’m shy about how I look because I’m too big. Yes, I see that I have some body-image issues, but I need to do something about my body today as I’m too big and I’ve been diagnosed with some health issues that have come from carrying excess weight.
How can I get a healthy mindset about my body and take the steps to lose the weight?
— Weighty
DEAR WEIGHTY: Rather than focusing on how you feel about how you look, first work with your doctor and possibly a dietitian to create a plan to get your body healthy. This will involve changing your diet and moving your body.
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If you are able to commit to a regimen that will help you to lose weight, it is likely that you will start feeling better physically and psychologically.
Don’t stop there. Find a therapist who can work with you on your self-esteem issues and help you get to the heart of your concerns.
One thing I have learned is that our bodies change over the years. I have adopted the approach of making the effort to thank my body for all that it does for me and, in turn, making conscious choices to take better care of it. Little by little, this has helped me to be kinder to myself and more accepting of me as I am.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)