DEAR HARRIETTE: I have fallen in love with a guy at work.
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I love the way he solves problems and how he pays attention to me, even when others do not. He is so kind, and I find myself deeply attracted to him.
I recently learned that he is gay. He hadn’t told me before. It came up when I asked him out.
I was bold enough to say that I thought there might be something special between us, and I asked if he would like to go out with me. He thanked me for the invitation and then informed that he is gay.
I am so disappointed. How can I dial back my feelings since they are not reciprocated?
— Just a Friend
DEAR JUST A FRIEND: Treat this situation as you would any time you are interested in someone who isn’t interested in you in the same way.
It’s not that this man doesn’t like you. It is that he is not romantically attracted to you. Sure, it can be hard to accept, but you can do it. Be willing to see the truth for what it is.
If you can allow yourself to release your heart from your feelings of attraction and learn to be just friends, who knows what kind of delightful bond you two can form?
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I are roommates. No one told me this might be a risky decision, but I guess I’m learning the hard way.
Sometimes she can be moody, and when she gets that way, everyone is subject to her heavy, somber, icy energy. It can be draining. If she has a bad day, she can’t conceal it.
Maybe she thinks she is hiding it because she doesn’t exactly share or burden anyone with details, but her responses become short in a frustrated kind of way and she huffs, slams doors and sulks about.
I don’t want her to suppress her emotions when something is wrong, but I wish she didn’t feel the need to wear them so proudly — and I especially wish she wouldn’t punish everyone around her when she’s in a mood. What can I say to her about this?
— Moody Roomie
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DEAR MOODY ROOMIE: Although your roommate’s moods are difficult for you, at least you can see that her behavior is not personal. She is dealing with something separate from you. If possible, be compassionate. Tell her you love her and hope she can find peace.
You can also acknowledge that it is hard for you to be around her when she is in a dark place. You don’t have a sense of when these moods are going to hit her, and her behavior does impact you and everyone else around her. Ask her if she has the awareness to tell you that she’s having a hard day. If she could do that, it would help you to know how to be with her.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.