DEAR MISS MANNERS: Too often for my comfort, I find myself at the bottom of a staircase, escorting a woman upstairs.
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My instinct is to let the woman go first, but the unfortunate result is that when I follow her up the stairs, my eyes are at the level of her bottom. The situation is even more complicated if short skirts are part of the equation.
The “solution” of my going up the stairs first means that the woman is then left at eye-level with my buttocks (which my wife kindly assures me is not a hardship), possibly making them uncomfortable.
To avoid — or at least minimize — any discomfort, who should proceed up the stairs first?
GENTLE READER: The correct procedure is that the lady goes up the stairs first, and a gentleman keeps his salacious thoughts to himself.
Should you go first, however, Miss Manners, unlike your wife, believes that you would be in no danger of exciting the lady behind you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a 95th birthday celebration. While it’s lovely to be included at such a momentous occasion, I was a bit taken aback at the wording of the invitation.
After announcing the day and time, it read that no alcohol would be permitted. I understand that “Jenny” may not want a bunch of drunks carousing on her special day. Nevertheless, I thought the wording strange and even a bit unwelcoming.
The invitation also announced “No gifts, please” — again, fine, because what would 95-year-old Jenny do with them? — but after that, it said, “There will be a box for cards and cash.”
How would Miss Manners view such an invitation?
GENTLE READER: Such an unpleasant invitation.
There is no need to serve alcohol, but there is also no need to issue a warning, as if the guests were likely to smuggle it in. And forbidding presents while putting out a cash box makes it clear that admission is being charged.
Ordinarily, Miss Manners would advise you to treat this like the fundraiser it is — that is, to accept only if you consider it a charity you want to support. But considering Jenny’s age, someone else might have crafted this event, and the invitation, on her behalf.
You might want to avoid such a person, and instead pay a separate visit to Jenny to acknowledge her birthday.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know this is going to sound nitpicky, but I get very slightly offended when I say “Thank you” to a server and they say “Of course.”
It just feels weird, like a brush-off. It feels like they’re saying, “Of course you are grateful.”
This seems to be a new standard response, especially among young servers. Sometimes they even seem surprised by my gratitude.
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I admit that I tend to be overly polite (yes, that is a thing), but I really am grateful when people help me/serve me, and I want them to know I appreciate them.
What ever happened to “You’re welcome” or even a casual “You bet!”?
GENTLE READER: That nit is already over-picked by people who are offended by the response of “No problem.”
Miss Manners suggests that you think of “Of course” as short for “Of course I am honored to serve you.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.