DEAR HARRIETTE: Today, my son came home from kindergarten and casually told me that one of his classmates had hit him during the school day.
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Naturally, I was concerned and asked him more about what happened. He didn’t seem too upset, but he did say it hurt and that he didn’t know why the other kid did it.
What really confused me is that his teacher didn’t mention anything to me at pickup — not a word about any incident or behavioral issue.
As a parent, I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to ignore something that could be serious. I’m feeling a mix of emotions: confusion, frustration and a little worry. I want to make sure my child feels safe at school, but I also know that kids at that age are still learning how to handle emotions and social interactions.
I don’t want to create drama with the teacher or the other child’s parents, but I do feel like I deserve to know when something like this happens.
How should I approach this? Should I reach out to the teacher directly and ask for more information, or should I wait and see if it happens again? How do I talk to my son about standing up for himself without encouraging him to be aggressive in return?
— School Daze
DEAR SCHOOL DAZE: Talk to your child’s teacher first. Calmly share what you learned, and ask the teacher what happened.
Explain that you want to know when altercations occur, even if nothing serious resulted, as you are teaching your child how to behave in all situations, including tense ones. Ask about school protocols regarding violence of any kind.
Once you know what happened, talk to your son about how to deal with conflict without violence and with respect. It’s never too early to reinforce how to interact with control and grace.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into a woman I went to school with many years ago. When we saw each other, she reached out to hug me immediately and express her joy at reconnecting. I had no idea who she was!
It turns out that more than 40 years ago we were at the same school and participated in a performance together. She remembers it vividly; I do not. I vaguely remember her face, but that’s about it.
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How do you handle a situation like this? This woman was so excited to see me and clearly a bit disappointed that I had no recall of her.
— Memory Loss
DEAR MEMORY LOSS: It’s OK that you don’t remember those details from long ago. Just listen. You can even ask her to refresh your memory.
Acknowledge her joy in reconnecting with you. If you feel that you would like to know this woman now, exchange numbers. Otherwise, just be kind. If you want, you can apologize for not having the recall she does as you show appreciation for her excitement.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.