DEAR HARRIETTE: I got married recently, and while the day was beautiful overall, I can’t stop thinking about something that really upset me: My cousin showed up late to the ceremony.
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I had already started walking down the aisle when my cousin came rushing in, wearing a flashy, attention-grabbing dress, heels clicking loudly on the floor, making a big scene trying to find a seat. Heads turned. The moment that was supposed to be focused on my husband and me was completely disrupted.
To make matters worse, she didn’t seem the least bit apologetic. At the reception, she acted like nothing had happened and even made jokes about how everyone noticed her entrance.
I’ve tried to let it go, but I keep replaying the moment and feeling like it was selfish and disrespectful. My family says not to make a big deal out of it, but I’m still hurt.
Am I overreacting? Should I say something to her, or just move on?
— Bad Manners
DEAR BAD MANNERS: My guess is that your cousin is single and jealous of you and your marriage. You can’t do anything to change that.
Pivot instead and focus on your new life.
Recognize the gift of love and connection you have with your spouse, and allow that to fill any of the tender spaces, including her disrespect.
If the two of you are together and her behavior comes up naturally or you feel the urge to say something to her privately, do so with love. Let her know she hurt your feelings by disrupting your wedding. Make sure she understands what she should have done in that situation so that she doesn’t disrupt any future ceremonies.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I have always been close, but lately, things have become tense between us, and it’s all because of our kids.
Her son and my daughter go to the same school and are in the same grade. Recently, they’ve been having a lot of problems getting along. There’s been name-calling, rumors and a couple of arguments that the teachers had to step in to settle.
Instead of us being able to talk it out calmly as parents, it’s turned into a blame game. She thinks my daughter is being dramatic and oversensitive, and I feel like her son is being mean and instigating a lot of the conflict.
Every time we try to discuss it, we end up getting defensive and hurt. I hate that this is driving a wedge between us, but I also need to advocate for my child.
How can we put our relationship first while still handling the situation with our kids in a healthy and productive way?
— Big Rift
DEAR BIG RIFT: Now is the time to put your children first. You need to figure out the reason for the conflict between them.
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Talk to the teacher and school counselor to gain any insight. Did something happen to trigger this behavior? If there is any way that they can be put into different classes, ask for that. Separation may help them.
Get counseling for your child — a professional who may be able to talk to your daughter about what’s going on and get to the bottom of it.
Tell your sister that you love her and don’t want to fight. Recommend that rather than the two of you blaming anyone for anything, you work together to discover what is causing all of this tension between your children.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.