DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to exit a church at the end of a service?
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My boyfriend thinks that you must let everyone in the adjacent pew (the one closer to the doors) exit before you do.
I view it more like a street intersection, but less formal, where groups of people take turns exiting.
In my view, you should not try to rush, bump or push people out of the way, but you should also go with the flow and not hold people up.
My boyfriend thought I was very rude, and berated me in the parking lot, because I did not let all of the people in the next pew exit first. Instead, I followed the woman in front of me. She had invited the people in the other pew to go first, but they said no, waving her ahead. I followed her out without stopping to invite the same people to exit first.
Was I rude?
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners agrees that if someone asks people to go ahead, then the request should be obeyed, as it may mask a need for more time to disembark. You would hardly want to get into a pushing match in church with an elderly couple by insisting that you are not going anywhere until they get a move on.
Why you would want a boyfriend who berates you is another question.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I share an apartment, and also share two pet snakes.
These are not large reptiles, and are kept in very secure glass tanks behind closed doors.
We understand that many people are not comfortable with reptiles, so we never let them roam around the apartment. If we have company, we never bring our pets out or even open the door to that room; they stay completely out of sight. We would never presume to force anyone to interact in the slightest with an animal that caused them anxiety.
The problem is that my boyfriend’s father is so afraid of snakes that he will not even set foot in the apartment, despite the fact that they are securely contained and not visible.
I would love to be able to entertain his family in our home, but his father is adamant that he will not come over until the snakes are no longer there.
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Is it rude of us to persist in eating meals at their house and then not reciprocating? We are young and broke, so entertaining them in a restaurant is not a real possibility. Do we have to get rid of two pets in order to satisfy his father?
GENTLE READER: What you need is a mutual agreement on how you will reciprocate their hospitality. Would your boyfriend’s parents, for example, be amenable to having you sometimes prepare and bring a meal to them?
Surely that is preferable to finding alternative living arrangements for Antony and Cleopatra.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.