DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a place where many cultures and nationalities abound.
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When I was at a restaurant with friends the other day, we were served by a comely waitress. My friend commented on the beauty of the “Asian waitress,” but I thought she was Latina.
Is there a tactful and proper way to ask? Or are we better off not asking such a question at all? None of us wishes to offend anyone.
GENTLE READER: Then please just order your food. Miss Manners reminds you that the waitress is not a menu item of whom you may inquire the ingredients. She has work to do and may not want to explain her background to you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I inherited a 1920s-era diamond ring and earrings.
I remember my grandmother saying that with the exception of an engagement ring, it’s inappropriate to wear this type of flashy jewelry during the day.
I am going to a reunion luncheon for my all-girls school, to be held at a lovely “Old South”-style tearoom. Frankly, I would love to wear these pieces to the event. The ring could pass for an engagement ring, but the sizable solitaire earrings are definitely just “bling.”
Does this rule still hold? Would sticking to pearls be more appropriate?
GENTLE READER: Hold with whom?
Even if Miss Manners had inherited the crown jewels, she, like your grandmother, would never wear them during the day. But she has noticed that people who actually have inherited crown jewels are among those who are either ignorant or contemptuous of the rule.
However, the rule was well-known and observed in what you are calling the Old South. As your classmates have chosen this venue, perhaps they would consider your wearing the earrings to be a vulgar case of showing off. Or not.
You do know that your grandmother would not approve. Gratitude and respect should stop you from going against her sense of decorum — especially if she is the relative from whom you inherited the jewelry.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I sent out wedding invitations. Our wedding is still 12 weeks away, but will-be attendees have already begun sending gifts to our house.
What is the proper etiquette for the timing of thank-you notes? Should we wait until the wedding takes place, or should we start sending thank-you notes now to acknowledge receipt of these gifts?
GENTLE READER: NOW!
Sorry; Miss Manners did not mean to shout at you. But she knows what happens when brides postpone thanking people who give them presents.
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Right now, you are busy getting ready for the wedding. Then, you will be on your wedding trip. After that, you will be catching up at work after having been away. At that point, you won’t be able to bear to look at the list of who gave what — which will be on your desk, giving you dirty looks.
Then you will decide that it is too late.
The time to thank someone for giving you a present is when you receive that present.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.