DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a family member who has done well for herself. She and her partner are in their early 50s and never had kids. They have a massive oceanfront home and travel extensively — and she mentions it in every conversation.
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No matter what the topic is, there’s usually a mention of the price of her home, car and other belongings (including whatever she’s wearing), the cost of their latest trip and their salaries.
Even just a text wishing her a happy birthday is met with a photo of her oceanfront view and talk of how blessed she is to have such a wonderful home, partner and career.
Another family member, who is financially comfortable but not wealthy, has gently teased her about this bragging, and she just says she’s proud of all she’s achieved.
I’ve had some recent career and financial setbacks, and it’s to the point where I dread talking to her. Is there a polite way to get her to stop talking about how much money she has?
GENTLE READER: Memorize this phrase and repeat it after every brag: “How nice for you.” For some reason, Miss Manners finds the emphasis on “for” to be effective, along with the repetition.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very long time ago, my husband and I were invited to dinner at a restaurant by a colleague of his. I had not met the colleague or his wife prior to the dinner.
The men promised they wouldn’t talk shop, but they did — throughout the entire meal. There was no inclusion of us women.
I tried to initiate a conversation with the wife, and she shut me down immediately with something along the lines of, “I’d rather listen to what the men are talking about.”
Gobsmacked, I just shrank back in the seat and ate my dinner. As my husband and I were leaving, I told him what had happened and he (rightfully) said that we’d never do that again.
I should have gotten over this by now, but I fantasize about having left the table in some way. What should I have done? I didn’t want to be rude myself.
GENTLE READER: Are you talking about a very, very long time ago? Because Miss Manners remembers those days — when wives, if invited at all, were treated as table decorations to be talked around.
But didn’t we have a successful rebellion against that?
Apparently not successful enough, if it is now a wife who treats her guest like that. She need only have said, apologetically, “Sorry, I’m listening to them.”
There is no need for you to fantasize about reacting effectively, and yet not rudely, because you already did: first by your silence, and then by your and your husband’s resolving never to socialize with them again.
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Miss Manners: We were yelled at in a Paris opera house. Were we in the wrong?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a quick cough, just a tickle. Do I have to apologize to the people around me? I didn’t do it intentionally. Same with a sneeze.
I could maybe give an “excuse me,” but I’ve heard people say, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I apologize!”
GENTLE READER: The preferred statement is now, “It’s not COVID.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.