DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is trying to become a content creator. While I want to support her dreams, it’s starting to take a toll on our relationship.
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Whenever we spend time together, whether it’s getting coffee, going on a walk or just hanging out at home, it somehow turns into a content production day. She’s constantly filming, taking pictures, asking me to retake videos or stopping in the middle of a conversation to capture the “perfect shot.”
I get that this is important to her, and I know building a platform takes work, but I miss when we could just be present with each other, talking, laughing and sharing memories without it needing to be documented or curated for public consumption.
It feels like I’m spending time with her online persona, not my actual sister. I sometimes feel used as a prop for her brand instead of appreciated as a person.
How do I talk to her about this without sounding dismissive of her goals or unsupportive of her hustle?
— Used
DEAR USED: Just tell her.
Point out that you need to create some boundaries when you are together so that every moment isn’t work. The workaholic nature of her behavior is interfering with your time together, and you need it to stop — or at least not be so invasive.
Tell her you will allow a certain amount of production when you are together, but request that most of your time be reserved for just the two of you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I always focus on the negative that’s going on around me.
When something good happens, I doubt that it’s real and wonder when the other shoe will drop. My friends have told me that I am too negative.
I think it may be because when I was young, bad things happened all the time. My parents got divorced just as I started making friends at school, and then we had to move because we couldn’t afford our house. Then my sister got sick, and all of the attention went to her and hardly any to me. The only time anybody seemed to notice me was when I had a problem.
When I think about it, the bad stuff is what drew the most attention.
Now it’s the opposite. People don’t want to be around me if I am in constant complaint mode, but I don’t know how to snap out of it.
Can you help?
— Be Positive
BE POSITIVE: Medical professionals have noted that the human brain naturally has negative thoughts throughout the day, in part to protect itself from the elements and any outside danger. Therefore, it is incumbent upon us to choose to think positive thoughts, to train our brains to look for the good in situations even if bad things have happened in the past.
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In your case, this may require you to rethink how you are accustomed to getting attention and retrain your brain to look for healthier means of finding the love you want and need.
Try it out. What happens if you choose to be in an upbeat environment and notice the good surrounding you? Similarly, what if you take a moment to see the good in a situation that is stressful? Look for something good even if something negative is also happening. Focus on that.
Finally, get a therapist to help you sort through your baggage and find a clearing for how to face the future.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.