DEAR HARRIETTE: I overheard my girlfriend on the phone with someone discussing an important work event they were both meant to attend.
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Her colleague, whom I’ve met a few times, said the organizer had given her a plus-one and mentioned that my girlfriend would probably want to have me there, too. To my surprise, she denied the need for a plus-one, saying that I didn’t need to be there and that she’d rather fly solo this time around.
For some reason, hearing her refusal really stung.
I didn’t confront her because I didn’t want to cause any friction over something that was important to her. Still, her tone that day hasn’t left me.
At other events, I’ve been whisked away during certain meetings or conversations — asked to refill a drink, pointed in the direction of a sports game on the nearest television, or interrupted and spoken over. Now this is making me wonder if my girlfriend is embarrassed by me.
If so, what do I do?
— No Plus-One
DEAR NO PLUS-ONE: At a time when there are no distractions, ask your girlfriend to talk.
Tell her about the call you overheard and how you recalled a number of incidents where you felt she shooed you away during work functions. Ask her pointedly why she feels uncomfortable having you with her in these settings. Is it something you say or do? Is it how you present yourself? Be direct, even if it is uncomfortable.
You can either work this out and find a way to grow together or not, but you shouldn’t be forced to stay in limbo.
I have a client who told me recently that as he is building his business, he needs his girlfriend to step up her social skills, so they talk about it often. If she needs that or something else from you, you two should discuss it and make a plan together. If it’s something different, you need to know that, too, so you can react accordingly.
DEAR HARRIETTE: About six years ago, my cousin stopped talking to me. One day I woke up and discovered that she had blocked me from all her social platforms.
The next time I saw her — by chance in our neighborhood — I waved, and she ignored me.
We grew up like siblings. When she had her first child, I was with her every step of the way. This cold shoulder caught me by surprise. Nevertheless, it’s lasted six years.
Recently, at large family gatherings I notice her trying to be cordial. She’ll join a group picture even when I’m in it. She mentions to others that she likes my outfit or will hand me a plate on the buffet line.
I find it pathetic. For her to be as awful as she was when she cut me out of her life — for reasons I still don’t know — I expect an equally bold apology if she wants this dust to settle.
Apparently, she’s had conversations with other family members claiming she doesn’t have an issue with me. Should I address this?
— Family Betrayal
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DEAR FAMILY BETRAYAL: Yes. Reach out to your cousin.
Schedule a time to meet, and ask her what’s up. Why did she ghost you six years ago? Why is she acting like nothing happened?
If she wants a relationship with you, the two of you have to hash it out. She has to be honest.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.