DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my co-workers keeps going to my boss about every little thing he thinks I’m doing “wrong” — even when it’s something minor, subjective or easily fixable.
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It feels like he’s constantly monitoring me, waiting for any small mistake or oversight, and instead of coming to me directly, he escalates it to my supervisor.
This has been happening more and more lately, and honestly, it’s starting to drive me nuts. I’m doing my best to stay professional, but it’s becoming difficult to focus when I feel like I’m being watched and second-guessed all the time.
I care about doing a good job and am open to feedback, but this constant nitpicking and tattling is starting to take a toll on my confidence and my overall work experience.
I’m not sure how much longer I can keep letting it slide without addressing it, but I also don’t want to create even more tension or come across as overly defensive.
I would appreciate any advice you have on how to get through this situation while still being professional.
— Meddling Co-Worker
DEAR MEDDLING CO-WORKER: Speak directly to your co-worker and tell him that you have noticed that he constantly reports your behavior to your supervisor. Ask him why he does that. Further, tell him that if he has issues with you, you would appreciate it if he would come to you first.
You might also want to speak with your boss to make sure your co-worker’s constant tattling isn’t creating a negative perception of you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A few years ago, I made the decision to go no-contact with my family due to some serious mental health challenges.
I knew it was what I needed to heal and start building a healthier, more stable life for myself. It’s been about two years since I’ve had any communication with them, and during that time, I’ve been able to work on myself in ways I never thought possible, but I’m still a work in progress.
Recently, I heard from a mutual friend that my little sister is about to graduate with her master’s degree. This is a huge milestone as few people in my family even finished high school, so for her to earn a master’s is an incredible accomplishment.
I am so proud of her and want to be there to celebrate and support her. However, I’m feeling really anxious about reaching out. I worry that my sudden reappearance might cause unnecessary tension or take the focus away from her achievement.
How can I support my sister without risking causing drama?
— The Graduate
DEAR THE GRADUATE: Send a card to your sister — with a graduation check in it if you have funds to spare. Congratulate her on this huge step and tell her how proud you are of her.
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If you feel up to it, enclose a note letting her know that you are OK and that you wanted to acknowledge what a milestone this is, and that you hope she is soaking it all in. Invite her to dinner to celebrate or ask if she would like to do anything special with you in her honor.
If she wants to stay connected, she will reach out.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.