DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got married, and while most of the day went beautifully, there’s one thing that’s really been bothering me: One of my bridesmaids, whom I considered a close friend, didn’t show up to the wedding.
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She never told me why. We had been in touch leading up to the big day, and as far as I knew, everything was fine. She had her dress, she was at the wedding rehearsal and she seemed excited for me.
When the day came, though, she was just … gone. No text, no call, no explanation. She didn’t reach out the day of, and she hasn’t reached out since. It’s been weeks.
I’ve gone back and forth between being hurt, confused and angry.
Part of me wants to call her and ask what happened, but another part of me feels like the silence speaks for itself.
I’m trying not to let this overshadow such an important time in my life, but it really stings — especially since she was someone I thought would be standing beside me for such a big milestone.
Should I reach out or let the friendship go?
— Missing Bridesmaid
DEAR MISSING BRIDESMAID: Reach out to her. You didn’t say if anyone else has given you a report about her. If you have not heard anything, you should be worried that something bad happened to her.
It is odd for a bridesmaid to go AWOL for a wedding. Something significant must have happened to stop her from showing up. She may be embarrassed that she ghosted you. Who knows?
There is one way to find out. Reach out to her and ask her what happened. From there, you will know whether you should be concerned for her well-being. You can also ask whether she needs help.
Try not to let this affect your friendship unless she clearly indicates that it should.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Throughout my childhood, my parents were not exactly kind. They were often pitting their children against each other, using religion to justify harsh punishment and ridicule and being verbally abusive.
When I was 17, they kicked me out, and I went to live elsewhere.
It’s almost a decade later, and things are strained at best. My extended family encourages me to stay in touch with my parents, and while I do try, I feel tired. Every talk with them is filled with criticism and hate, and I feel anxious about picking up the phone or going to their house.
My mother threw a fit before my wedding day, causing me to feel nervous the entire day, hoping she wouldn’t explode. To be honest, I did not want them there.
I am struggling to be a good daughter and keep my sanity. I don’t want them in my life.
Do I say something to them, or do I just fade into the background? Pointing out their behavior results in screaming, crying and them insisting that they’re doing their best.
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I can’t handle any more from them, and I am searching for a good therapist to help me come to terms with everything.
— Desperate Daughter
DEAR DESPERATE DAUGHTER: Live your life. Stop reaching out to them. You do not have to put yourself in an abusive environment, even if it is with your parents. They threw you out long ago. Stay out.
You should definitely engage a therapist to help you heal your heart.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.