DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a teacher for the past 30 years, I have been fortunate to receive thoughtful gifts of thanks and appreciation from my students and their families during the holiday season and at the end of the school year.
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These gifts often include mugs, chocolates, baked goods or gift cards. (Between us, I will admit that my favorite gifts are notes of appreciation from students and parents.)
In return, I have always taken the time to write careful and personal thank-you notes for each of these gifts. Part of my motivation has been to set an example for my students, demonstrating the importance of expressing gratitude through a handwritten note.
However, this practice is time-consuming, particularly during my breaks, when the sheer volume of letters overwhelms me.
At Christmas this year, the time it took prompted me to pause and reflect: Is it truly necessary to write a thank-you note for a thank-you gift? It feels a bit circular.
I can’t imagine not writing the notes, but I feel compelled to ask: Would a simpler acknowledgment suffice, or is this a tradition I should continue?
GENTLE READER: Yes! Continue!
Let us not risk perpetuating that prevalent, but totally false, idea that a present given in thanks need not be acknowledged — that it would lead to a loop in which the giver and recipient would spend the rest of their lives thanking each other.
Nonsense. A letter of thanks does not require a response; a present, given for whatever reason, does.
Those children were probably somewhat involved in giving you those presents — they may even have chosen them. Do you want to leave them wondering if you even cared?
Children almost never receive letters (well, neither do adults, these days), so these would be special. You appreciate letters from them and their parents, so you ought to understand how much they would appreciate letters from you.
And it will be an additional boon to the parents who are requiring their children to write letters of thanks for their birthday and holiday presents.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am permanently in a wheelchair as a result of an injury. There is nothing wrong with my mind.
Many people assume I cannot speak for myself, and some move my wheelchair in directions I do not wish to go.
What can I say to these strangers to convey that I am capable of speaking for myself and that I do not care to be treated like a piece of furniture?
Some people are considerate — holding doors for me and asking if I would like help. Others are quite rude.
GENTLE READER: “Excuse me, but I am right here” to those who talk above you. And “STOP!” to anyone rude enough to move your wheelchair without your permission.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m feeling stuck about how to respond to a text message that combines a thank-you and a compliment.
For example, would you respond to a text message that says, “Thank you for the delicious dinner” with a “thank you” (for appreciating the dinner), a “you’re welcome” (for the thank-you), or both?
GENTLE READER: Neither. You’re off free.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.